Eccentric Adventures And Even Stranger Schools
by Abbika-Rose-Writers
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione and several confused Death Eaters are flung into the future, landing in a boring Canadian school. Havoc is wreaked and it turns out that the trio must rely on two odd girls to help them back tro their own time. OOTP SPOILERS. strange
1. Prologue

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Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione are caught in the crossfire when Death Eaters attack Hogsmeade. Things get out of hand when a timeturner breaks and the trio plus all the Deathies are flung several years into the future, coincidentally landing in a school in Canada. This fic is based on a daydream Emily and I had in FLA class and is rather interesting. Features two new characters … Me and Emily! Lol, strange fic but hey, we had nothing better to do at the time. Enjoy!

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Disclaimer: The day I own Harry Potter will be the day that the world is conquered by cannibalistic Turtles (the chocolate ones, lol - don't blame me, on the commercial the little turtle dude is like, "I loooove Turtles," and my brother and I thought he was a cannibal), Apocalyptic horsemen throw surprise parties at schools (really freaking out the teachers, lol) and J.K. Rowling writes a Beyond Hogwarts book, in which Harry marries Lisa Simpson.

This fanfic, Eccentric Adventures And Even Stranger Schools (EA for short), brought to you by,

The two single-most brilliant Canadians in the history of fanficdom,

Remick and Emily

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Prologue

~ A World Turned Upside Down ~

Bangs and cries split the night air. Hermione ducked as a beam of green light flashed over her head. She swiftly made her way over to the front of Honeydukes, where her eye had caught a glimpse of red rushing by. She threaded her way through the crowd - although, threaded is a _misleading_ word, as what really occurred was that she hexed anyone that dared get in her way - running fast to catch up.

"Ron!" she yelled, kicking a nearby Death Eater in the shins as she passed.

He turned quickly and sidled closer to her, dodging a spell that was about to hit him in the same movement. "Hermione," Ron gasped, face pale. "Where's Harry?"

Hermione cursed vividly and Ron gave her a surprised glance before they hurried down the battling street. A trail of unconscious, injured Death Eaters lay in their wake.

They passed several dented buildings and smouldering craters in the road. It would take Hogsmeade months to fully recover from this attack. Most of the Hogwarts students had been herded into The Three Broomsticks but the trio had been separated and had assisted the villagers and Aurors in the fight. It was surprising what an advantage underestimation, mockery and foolhardiness could give three teen-agers in battle. They had not only held their own, they had taken down many-a grown wizard. The fact that most of these wizards were idiots - (**A/N:** Voldemort? Come on, morons, get better leaders, first off. Next, try some common decency and fashion sense. I mean, like, get with it Luscious, a bow?! I'm a girl, and _I_ don't wear bows in my hair! Whacked-out-hippie-freaks do not make the most fear-inspiring servants, Voldiekins!) - was completely irrelevant. It was a pity that the three had been swept away by the flow of the crowd, they had made a formidable Death-Eater-jinxing team.

Suddenly a yell of pain tore through Hermione, piercing her heart like a dagger.

__

Harry.

*

__

Pain. It was the farthest extremity of the feeling. No word came close to describing the flames eating away at his body, stabbing him repeatedly, relentless, incessant, uncontrollable … They _burned_, searing through his veins, making his ears ring with his own agonised cries.

And then it was gone. He lay stone still on the ground, drenched in sweat. He felt drained, sucked dry, as though he would never be able to move again. His eyelids seemed to weigh tons. All he wanted was to lie here forevermore, deaf to the world …

But Fate had other things in store for him. As he lay there, still as death, he heard it. _Laughter_. _Mocking, sneering, jeering laughter_. They were laughing at him. Anger flared up inside him, swallowing the lingering weariness, flooding his body with strength. He slowly stretched out his arm, reaching for the wand lying a foot away from him …

Suddenly there was a loud bang and chaos erupted around him. The Death Eaters started firing spells at someone or something near the line of trees at the edge of the clearing they were in. Harry Potter jumped up, unnoticed, and made his way for the center of the commotion, cursing his tormentors out of the way as he went.

*

"Ron, here, hold this," Hermione hurriedly thrust something into Ron's hand and turned back to throwing hexes at the on-coming waves of Death Eaters. They had followed Harry's yell into a clearing in the Forbidden Forest and now their enemies were swarming them. Harry was no where in sight.

"Hermione!" Ron shouted over the noise. "Why, in the name of Merlin, do you have a time turner?!" After looking up and realising that Hermione was too absorbed cursing dark wizards to hear him, Ron rushed forward to help her and promptly tripped over a protruding tree root.

The small hourglass flew out of his hand and for a moment appeared to be suspended in time, hanging in mid air. Then the illusion was ended with a bang as a spell arced up, hit the device and blasted it into millions of pieces.

"Bloody hell," Ron cursed.

Hermione looked up too and gave a strangled gasp as the dust from inside the time turner began to fall back down to Earth. It sprinkled ethereally over the heads of the three teenagers and their robed and hooded opponents. Without so much as a whisper of the wind, the whole battling crowd disappeared and the shattered hourglass landing in the middle of the now silent clearing.

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(**A/N:** This is the Prologue, please R&R.

Next Chapter: Remick and Emily turn up, Ron runs into a pole and an eighth grader runs around like a chicken with its heads cut off.

C ya!)


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I would like to express my malcontent at the fact that the world has not yet been taken over by cannibalistic Turtles and Harry Potter does not belong to me. Maybe if I invent a couple of doomsday devices - built from decomposing cardboard boxes and broken chopsticks - I'll feel better.

Does anyone find it at all sad that we only have one review and yet here I am posting more? Eh well, does anyone really care? No? Okay then, on with the fic, lol! Thanks to our first reviewer Prof. Spider!

And OMG, OMG, OMG, I just saw PoA for the third time and IT ONLY GETS BETTER! DUDE, that movie rox! A timeless classic.

**Chapter One**

Schools, Battles And Chickens

"Remick! Emily! Est-ce que vous m'ecoutez?"

The aforementioned girls had been huddled over a desk, talked in conspirational whispers. At the sound of their teacher's voice, however, they whirled around guiltily, feeling the dozens of pairs of eyes on them. "Oui, Madame," they replied in unison.

The French teacher, a woman with greyish brown hair and a slightly strict demeanour, turned back to the chalkboard again. The rest of the class sighed as one and resettled themselves in their desks.

"Alors, je ne veux pas voire l'anglais dans tes summaires! C'est une classe du français, les élèves." The woman went on, reprimanding her students on their use of English words in French assignments. She did not notice when the two troublemakers smirked and continued their conversation, in hushed tones.

"So, after he gets blasted through the wall, what happens?" asked the girl with long light brown hair and bright green glasses.

"Well, obviously the D.E.s will come, Remick," replied the other girl, whose short hair was pretty much the same shade as her friend's. "Then, I dunno, I figured we could pull some wrestling moves on 'em or somethin'."

Remick rolled her eyes. "No duh, eh Emily? Maybe we could land a couple of lethal blows before -"

A man appeared at the door to the classroom and all of the students turned to look, taking an interest in anything that might relieve their boredom. "Madame Desautels, I have your new clock here," the man shifted the large, expensive looking clock in his arms.

"Ah, merci, Mr. Croll," Mme. Desautels replied, reverting to English for the benefit of her non-French-speaking colleague. "Just put it right on the wall there -"

But at that moment, the wall in question blew apart. Sadly, a large piece of rock hit the shiny new clock, denting its no-longer-spotless face.

That was when the screams began.

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Ron groaned, trying not to throw up. "'Mione, are you okay?"

Hermione was already standing, something Ron had not yet managed. Her face was slightly green, but she was pacing back and forth relentlessly.

"Hermione, stop that, you're making me dizzy just watching you!"

Suddenly she spun around. "Do you have any idea how serious this is?! We were fighting _Death Eaters_, trying to find _Harry_, when _you_ just had to go and break the blasted time turner. We still have no idea where our friend is and the Death Eaters have mysteriously vanished! We have no idea where or _when_ we are and you are asking me _if I am okay_?!?!" her bushy hair was flying out behind her, as though blown by a non-existent wind as she ranted.

Ron raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, then," he grumbled. "Why did you have a time turner any- wait, you can't find Harry?!"

Hermione gave an exasperated sigh and let her eyes sweep over the surrounding buildings for the billionth time. They appeared to be outside some sort of school. École St. Matthew School. Hermione hid a smirk. _School_ St. Matthew _School_? Honestly …

Finally she turned back to Ron, who had gotten to his feet at last. "No, if I had he would be here and we would most likely still be fighting for our lives!"

Ron ignored her reply. "C'mon, we have to find him, he has to be here somewhere."

Suddenly they both stood stock-still. A loud crash and several high pitched screams reached theirs ears.

Ron paled even more. "Bloody hell."

Hermione grabbed his arm and ran inside the school.

---

"SHUT UP!" yelled Remick, covering her ears to muffle the sounds of the girls in her class screaming in apparent terror.

She distinctly heard Emily mutter, "Morons," under her breath and smiled. Rather than stopping, however, the screams intensified. Remick could clearly hear some of the guys' voices mingling with the girls'.

The two girls looked at each other and rolled their eyes. "Dorks," the murmured in unison.

They stood up, having fallen to the floor in the explosion, and looked around. The room was scattered with debris and most of their classmates were huddled in a corner. The door was covered by a mound of rocks, eliminating the possibility of exiting that way. The only possible avenue of escape - other than the rather obvious hole that stood in what remained of the wall - was an air duct on the ceiling, roughly twenty centimetres square. Not very useful.

Emily was in the middle of saying something involving incompetent jerks blowing up schools for no good reason when there was another explosion on the other side of the crumbling wall, shifting some of the debris in front of the door. Without warning, a body sailed through the air to land at the two girls' feet.

"Holy cricket," Emily murmured. "He's Harry Potter."

"Oh, hell," replied Remick.

"You mean 'bloody hell'." Corrected Emily.

"Not the time, nor the place, Emily. We are standing in the middle of our F.L.A. classroom, the wall is in tatters, Harry freaking' Potter is laying on the ground, NOT BLOODY -"

"That's more like it." Emily smirked.

"- MOVING! And you're correcting my British cussing?! What is the world -"

Emily sighed. "I'm bored. Let's kick some Death Eater shins."

"Eh?"

"Well if dearest Harry is here then it stands to reason -"

"Smart people talk," muttered Remick darkly.

"- that the Death Nibblers - stop laughing, stupid, this is Sirius … GAH! I SAID SERIOUS, I SWEAR! - are wreaking unnecessarily violent havoc."

Remick was laughing undignifiedly, clearly having difficulty breathing, let alone moving at all. When she had regained her composure the two realised that they had attracted the eyes of a number of robed and hooded figures by the hole in the wall.

"Uh oh," Emily gulped.

"Holy guacamole," came Remick's wry reply.

No one moved. Then a blonde haired girl started screaming again, restarting all the other moronic eighth graders. She then proceeded to run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Keep your hair on, Brianna!" she hollered.

"RUN!" Remick elbowed her friend sharply.

Both girls grabbed one of Harry's arms and pulled him as quickly as possible through a hole in the pile of rocks in front of the door and out of the room. The Death Eaters were too busy watching Crazed-Chicken-Girl to notice.

Once outside the disaster area that was the French Language Arts classroom, Emily and Remick got Harry up off the floor and placed each of his arms around their shoulders. Not only did this make it easier to carry him, but he wouldn't bleed to death from getting stabbed by the numerous small rocks and pieces of glass that littered the floor of the hallways. Apparently, the sturdy building couldn't even take a single blown up wall before the roof began to collapse. _Wonderful_.

After making their way into the school's front hall, Emily and Remick propped Harry up against the wall and took a breather. Suddenly Emily poked Remick's shoulder. _Hard_.

"Ow," she whined. "Quit that, or I'll -" she stopped and looked where Emily was pointing.

Harry Potter, the boy that had been the girls' idol ever since that had first read about him, was sitting under a picture tacked up on the Art Board, a wall dedicated to the prowess of the school's art students. The aforementioned picture was one of a boy, in his mid teens, with unruly black hair, oval-frame glasses and a non-committal expression. The resemblance between the two - picture and person - was unnatural. The only differences were the lack of color in the picture-Harry's visage - he was drawn out all in pencil - the shape to his glasses and the lack of his infamous scar.

The three teens stood perfectly still for a moment - technically only two were standing, one just happened to be unconscious - until the sound of running feet thundered up behind them.

---

Hermione slowed slightly, frowning as she turned the corner and saw the two girls standing over Harry. They didn't look like Death Eaters, but a couple of teenage Muggles … _What is going on here?!_

Ron, however, didn't slow down. As he followed Hermione around the corner he slammed head first into the pole standing in the middle of the hallway. The resulting _thwak_ caused both girls to turn and gape at Ron as he slid to the floor and staggered upright again, cursing vividly under his breath. Hermione strode forward, her anger flaring.

"What is going on here?" she demanded one and bent down to take Harry's pulse. "And why is Harry OUT BLOODY COLD?!" Her mind was racing, wondering where the screams had come from and who these two Muggles were.

The girls just stared, one opening her mouth and shutting it repeatedly - looking remarkably like a fish - the other's eyes wide as they flickered from Ron to Hermione.

Finally the first opened her mouth and, rather than closing it again, spoke. "Oh bloody beaver houses. Emily, am I hallucinating?"

"I doubt it," Emily's eyes fixed on Hermione, still wide in awe. "Unless we both just happen to be having the same hallucination, which is highly questionable."

Hermione snorted. "Oh please, what in the name of Merlin is going on here? What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be in class or something? And who _are_ you anyways?"

"Our friends call us Remick and Emily," stated the first girl. "You can call us…Remick and Emily, I guess."

"Wha…?" Ron asked unintelligibly.

Emily winked at him, only increasing his befuddlement. "But that's not the least of it, my dear fellow. For, you see, we have just saved young master Potter here from capture and presumable torture by D.E.s."

"D.E.s?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Death Eaters, obviously," Remick accompanied this scornful remark with a roll of her eyes and a dramatic sigh.

Emily was looking almost apprehensively at Hermione. "Might I borrow your wand for a moment please?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes slightly. "Are you Muggles or witches?"

Remick gave her a look of wide-eyed sincerity. "Why, we are witches who have, by a spot of unfortunate lack of mental activity, misplaced our wands…"

Emily snorted. Hermione rolled her eyes. Ron blinked. Harry remained knocked out.

"Anyhoo," Emily held out an expectant hand to Hermione. "Give me that darned wand or I'll run around screaming bloody murder, looking for a first aid kit."

Hermione frowned slightly, but decided to humour this delusional Muggle. She handed over her wand.

Emily took a deep breath and glanced at Remick. "Exciting, eh?"

Remick clapped her hands and got down on her hands and knees beside Harry, Emily mirroring her. Emily lifted the wand, cast a cautious look at Harry and – seemingly having decided that her experiment wouldn't hurt him _that_ much – whispered a word that Hermione had certainly not expected.

"_Enervate_!"

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(**A/N:** There is nothing in this world as sad as a FanFic writer begging for reviews. So get out some tissues!

But really, I'd greatly appreciate some reviews…it doesn't take that much effort right? Lol.

Ignore the French it's not important, ha.

C ya!

-Remick

P.S. Emily, what in the name of all things Canadian do you mean, "replying to reviews because SOMEONE doesn't know how"? I know how more than you do, you...you...you witch, you! You replied to the reviews fro GFT in our EA story, moron! -Scoffs- Anyhoo, that's all, bye!)


	3. REVIEW REPLY!

Hello. This is the part where I, Emily, reply to the ONLY! review. REVIEW PPLS!!  
  
prof. spider- YAY!! REVIEW ONE!! You rock. Hopefully Remick updates soon, I'm a slow typer.  
  
MORE REVIWS!! Just click the little purple button.. thats it... go on.. 


	4. READ!

Hello faithful readers, Emily here. Remick and I are going to be gone until September, so we will not be able to update our fics. So please forgive us and make up your own stuff for a while!

**Either that or read someone else's fic! I mean... NO! STAY WITH MY FICS! Oh, Remick' s fics too. Lol, j/k. Well, technically, those are THE SAME FICS! Eh, whatever. **

**_Emily_ **


	5. Attention Readers

Emily here! Um… Remick and I are in grade 11 now, so as you can see we have a flaw in writing our story. We're most likely going to discontinue this story, but I'm going to try and keep up with writing. My account is .x.neko.x. if you'd like to keep reading my stories. Thank you for reading and sorry about leaving you all here. You can make your own endings unless Remick and I try to finish it.

Emi


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